Well I had my first therapy session yesterday and it went really well. I was more excited than nervous and before I went, had lunch with the only three people I am out to. Not really by design, it's just a regular thing we do on Thursdays. On the way there I did have a good omen - the Sirius Broadway channel played the prologue from "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." If you are familiar with that piece you'll know why it's a good omen.
Well, I got to the therapist, filled out the paperwork and then the anxiety hit while I was sitting there waiting for her (not a bad anxiety, just general anxiousness) and then she came down and introduced herself and felt really comfortable.
Basically (as most of you know already being through this but this is the benefit for future readers who are wondering how this happens) the first step is to determine if the feelings are legitimate or not. If not, then determine why I have them and deal with them and if they are, determine how far to go with them and really, the only thing holding me back from going all the way (living full time as a woman, not sure what kind of surgery I'll want - need to take that one day at a time) is my children, but I'm sure that's something we'll discuss in therapy. We have to. She also mentioned Harvey Benjamin's "Standards of Care" and I found out that if I do want to transition, I am working for one of the best companies for that. Go figure. I work for a rather large company in a rather large metropolitan area and I know they have an award winning diversity program, but I never knew what they did for the transgendered (we also talked about transgendered, transexual, transvestite, etc). Apparently my counselor has already helped a few people transition there and I guess in some ways it's good to work for a big company. Now, if I do decide to transition there I don't think I could in the same department. Hard to explain, but where I work their are the field workers (very masculine) and office workers (more open). Right now I work as a trainer in the field area, although my experience is mostly office work. Because I came from the office side and not the field side, it's hard enough for me to establish credibility with the field workers in my department. If I transitioned, it would not be good. Besides, I think I'd like to start anew somewhere. I have a great deal of customer service background so maybe I could be transferred to the call center as a supervisor or maybe even transfer back to my office department. It's mostly women (a few members themselves of the LGBT community) so I might fit in well there. Never fit in well as a guy.
So, that's an update. I feel good about the path I'm on and feel like this was a giant step in the right direction. I'm thinking about coming out to a few more people, but not sure about that. Maybe I'll wait.
We all dream a lot.
Some are lucky, some are not.
But if you think it, want it, dream it,
Then it's real.
You are what you feel.