It's been a week since I've posted and it's not like I haven't had anything to say, but every time I get on to write a posting I ended reading the blogs I'm following and that can be quite a time vampire. I want to read more, learn more and one blog leads to another, that leads to a new site, the leads to youtube channels, that lead back to more blogs. Wow, have I learned a lot about being transgendered - the most important thing is that I'm not alone out there.
What else inspires me is how beautiful some of these women look. One concern I have is getting past the "man in a dress" look. I know that will take time and practice but seeing some of the results is definitely encouraging!
I think this post will just be a series of random thoughts of events that have happened over the past week.
Am I too old for this? I'm 45 and if I transition, I'll be close to 50 before I do. Will I be too old? I'll be transitioning at a time when many women are going through menopause. I know there are other women out there my age just now transitioning and my good friend James (f2m TG) is transitioning and he's only a year younger than me so I guess the choice is to be happy the rest of my life or continue faking it. I'd rather be happy and be who I am.
Shopping! I actually did some shopping for Jane (as Al) - yea me! Last week I had to travel to mid Missouri (I live in St Louis) to pick up some boardgames a friend of mine and I bought from an estate sale (long story) and on the way I must have passed a 1/2 dozen Wal-Marts, sooo...I stopped in one on the way home and bought a bra and some panties. I was going to buy some pantyhose also, but the sales clerks were standing there and I didn't want to draw TOO much attention to myself. I had to pick up a few other things and I got those first before heading over to the woman's department. I had shopped a bit on-line so I new what I was looking for and found them with little effort. The panties were easy (basic "Just My Size") and the bra took a bit longer. I measured myself at 48DD so that was problem number one. There just isn't much attractive in that size and I wanted to buy a "box" bra instead of a "hanger" bra so I picked something up - simple and white. And then, on my way out, I saw a clearance rack with many larger sizes (I was glad I wasn't the biggest size there) and saw one that I saw online (a very pretty rose colored bra) but 2" smaller than what I wanted but I liked it and I'm wanting to lose weight so I thought I'd get it and if it didn't fit now, it would fit later. Well, as soon as I got home I bathed and tried them on - and yea - it fit! A bit snug and now I have to make some falsies (I think for now I'm going the bird seed in stockings route). The panties fit well also although I have a little butt and am going to need padding and my "manhood" is not exactly easy to tuck away (I wish I could donate it to James) so they did fit funny.
Shopping II - Something else I stumble upon was Craigslist. Not sure why I thought of it. I do use that site quite a bit (for merchandise ladies - nothing more! Well, okay maybe once when I was traveling for work but that's another story, that's how I found out about the boardgame sale) and saw a clothing tag, clicked it, and searched for plus sized clothing. Wow! What a way to build an instant wardrobe. Women are selling clothes by the bagful that don't fit any more - either due to weight loss or weight gain. I've contacted a few of the women and may pick some up tomorrow. I have a cover story (buying for my girlfriend's daughter who is moving back home from Atlanta which is based a bit in reality, which is what all good fiction writers do) but I'm not sure if it's flying or not. So I may pick up a few things here and there. I'll post with details of my haul.
Wearing Women's Clothes - Now that I am acquiring all this clothing, when am I going to wear it? Just around the house. I am not going to be one of those "guys" who wear women's underwear to work; I'd be afraid of being found out. I did wear my new panties to my writer's group on Friday where 2 of the 3 attendees knew about "Jane."
So, I do have a very long way to go, but I think this is a good start. I'm going to end this post here but in my next post I'll give you a "coming out" update, my thoughts on hormones, starting therapy, and whatever else is on my mind. That might be later tonight.